Emotional Self-Care (Remodeling and Reframing) - Page 1 of 8

How do we go about attending to our socio-emotional self-care and renewal? Sheila Collins asserts that the important tasks for our social and emotional self-care and self-healing are "remodeling" and "reframing." That is, reassessing our emotional reactions and responses, revisiting old hurts and fears that still need healing, and reconsidering what we want our emotional self to be. Our "remodeling" task is somewhat analogous to remodeling a home. It begins by taking careful appraisal of the state of our house, tearing out and tearing down some of the old stuff, updating what is outdated, fixing what is broken, changing what is not usable in its current state, and adding some new touches to create a more pleasant environment.

When you attend to your emotional health, you essentially do the same tasks. And as you "remodel" and "reframe" your emotional selves, you can also change and improve your social interactions.

One of the big lessons in emotional/social self-care is that you have far more choice than you might believe ever possible - or want to accept. Ultimately, you are responsible for your own happiness and emotional well-being. You, believe it or not, create, perpetuate and allow the circumstances of your life. Your needs for security, affection, recognition and actualization do not depend on, nor can they be totally satisfied by, someone/something outside your "self."

Reacting to events in your own life can be an opportunity for your mental and emotional "selves" to work together to create synergy for a better outcome. he emotions you experience are the result of your beliefs - and your choices. Much of the emotional impact of a situation lies in your individual interpretation of it. If you think or believe that a situation is "bad," you will respond in a certain way. If you think or believe that a situation is "good," you will respond in a different way. When we interact with others, our beliefs about the intent of others and our beliefs about ourselves color our responses to their comments and actions. By changing the way you think about and interpret a stressful situation, you can usually change the way you feel about it and your emotional response to it.

Psychologist Albert Ellis has suggested that often our beliefs are irrational in the sense that our emotions tend to override our own common sense. To Ellis, much of the damage to our psyche occurs when we dictate to ourselves that we "should" "ought" or "must" do something or that the world "should" "ought" or "must" appease our desires. He reminds us that while it may be preferable to act in one way or another and that it is pleasing to have the world meet some of our expectations, there is seldom any reason for insisting that either we or the world behave in some particular manner. Ellis notes that we tend to overreact emotionally when we impose "shoulds, oughts, and musts" upon ourselves or the world. We catastrophize anticipated results of our own failure to act in a particular manner, just as we catastrophize the anticipated results of others acting in ways which may be unpleasant for us. Ellis suggests that we attend to our beliefs, consider what would really happen, disputing our initial overreaction.

Building resilience through emotional self-care is a liberating process of getting rid of these types of irrational old perceptions and assumptions that no longer serve you. Acknowledge this "liberation" with mini-celebrations and little rituals.